The Bra, currently my favourite invention

The Bra, The Over Shoulder Boulder Holder, The Boobie Basket and in Germany a Schtoppem Floppem.
I really think that the bra, for me, is highly ranked as one of the best inventions ever.  For those of you who know me, I don't really need a bra as I wasn't in the front of the queue when boobs were being dished out so I don't wear one for all the conventional reasons.  I only consider buying a bra if it has under wiring and at least 2inches of padding in the cup.  Which has just raised another thought in my head.... When was the last time I bought a bra?  Think it might have been 9 years ago for my wedding day.  Anyway.... each morning I throw the straps of my fake boobs over my shoulders and give it no further thought for the day. 
I have friends that regularly use their bras as a place to keep their drinking money, lip stick or even their house key and up until yesterday, the most interesting thing ever been put in my bra was a lighter, which kept falling out!  And then I discovered my bra had an ultimate use that wasn't just for aesthetics........ A place to clip my iPod. 
Ok I admit, I may have got a few stares in the gym when I discovered my new iPod storage place, but it worked!  All I need to do now is work out how to use the iPod properly to avoid dumbfounded, shocked faces of other gym users when I fiddle with my nipples every few minutes.

And the Biggest Tease Award goes to.......

THE GYM!  You are lured there on the basis of becoming body beautiful and because it is expensive you also become upper class.  Then when you get there, well, it is full of slim blondes that dont need to be there and dont break a sweat at all (and I dont believe they look like that BECAUSE of the gym) and pumping muscular men.  This all adds to the insecurities of going in the first place.  But I go anyway in hope rather than desire.  Then if you stick to THE GYM and eat healthily you can get nearer to the body you want.  But - and it's a BIG but, (in my case a big butt) the gym is bloody hard work.  And then, just to kick you in the teeth, if you decided not to go just once in favour of doing something more lazy, you are immediately on a slippery slope back to flab.  And the results DONT last! 
And then there is the problem of the personal trainer.  As I walk in to the gym with all my flabby bits swinging from side to side, how can I tell this 19 year old toned and pecked PT that I cant run, jump, skip, stand up on a bike without weeing myself, and he should swim for it if I should sneeze?  Oh well, caution to the wind and double tena lady installed, lets go for it.  The gym is supposed to be 'my time'.  But then really 'my time' would involve coffee, a good book and a big bar of chocolate, all which equal the opposite effects of the gym. 
So on the basis of persuading myself to go I have renamed it THE Jim.  I have a session booked with THE Jim.  Then I make sure my ipod is charged and head out the door.  My aim this morning was not to worry about getting sweat patches around my VPL but TO get sweat patches around my VPL!
Ipods are great but again the distraction of loud music leads to other insecurities, am I singing out loud? am I panting too hard? did I just fart?  A tip in this situation, I have found, is to cough.  How loud my cough sounds gives me a gage of sounds I may involuntarily be making.
So with all the hatred for the gym and my body built up I relucantly got on my bike and cycled to the gym with the fantasy that all I needed to do was cycle there, have a coffee, cycle back and that would have the same effect.  It was a good workout, really it was.  But why the bloody hell, when leaving, did I sign up to do the New Forest half marathon next September?  Have decided that maybe the gym isn't as good for me mentally as I have been lead to believe.  Time to embrace the wobbly bits?

So what's in a name?

Well tena lady and tittle tattle are my two favourite things at the moment....... apart from maybe coffee, white, 2 sugars.  And really, if you think about it they all go hand in hand.  I mean, coffee is always better with tittle tattle; tittle tattle usually makes me laugh; laughing makes me pee and coffee just adds to the flow.  It is a threesome made in heaven.

I'm a blogger!

Welcome me to the land of blogging.  It has already been an unexpected adventure.... Ooh what blog name to choose?.. hummmm... all the ones that I liked had some sort of sexual connotation, like, 'Ah bugger', or 'pounding head' or 'strumming along' etc etc... I didnt want my blog to be found by someone googling something totally different!  And then there is the background, the colour, the font..... In the end I have decided that it really doesnt matter as it will only be me reading it!  So what are the blogging rules? try not to offend anyone? try spell things correctly? Dont swear?  Well I dont know what the rules are but I am certainly not going to be spell checking it!  The other issue I immediately have is with my letter L.  It seems to be on its way out, so just in case I need to cut and paste a few in the future, here goes.... L L L L L L L L L L L l l l l l l l l.
Right, guess I'm all set up now!

This blog is purely for me to rant and explore my thoughts.  I have a lot of them which are constantly narrated like a scene from Sex and the City or like Dr Dorean from Scrubs.  I hope you enjoy............