Dear Landlord

Dear Landlord

May I start by thanking you for allowing us to live in your magnificent house, especially when so many other landlords had said absolutely not to 4 young kids.  And thank you for having such an efficient smoke alarm, as we discovered in January when my middle son nearly burnt the house down.

I am most impressed at your laid back attitude to us having to break the bathroom door down to release my trapped youngest son just 3 days into our tenancy agreement;  and the glass chandelier that fell from the dining room ceiling when batted with a hurling stick by my eldest son.

I would just like you to know that the brown stains on the soap dispenser and in the grout of the tiles in the downstairs loo are not poo stains.  They are from chocolaty hands at Easter.  And I promise to try and remember to buy some cillit bang next week.

Please do not worry about the split water pipe in the back garden that leads to the tap.  I have put loads of duct tape around it and a jubilee clip, just in case!
I have fixed the ice dispenser in your expensive American style fridge freezer after one of the twins "did something to it" and steam cleaned the strawberry stain that was artistically and lovingly created by my daughter on the cream carpet in the sitting room.

I am not entirely sure which child pulled the sealant out from around the window frame in the end bedroom or broke the drain pipe outside.  I have quite a good idea which one blocked the drain at the side of the house and didn't tell me for 5 weeks.   I do, however, have to admit that it was totally my fault and purely by accident that I washed a disposable nappy in your washing machine.

I would also just like to reassure you that I am not stalking you or your wife.  It is purely by chance that when I am doing something, like weeding the pavement, which could gain me 'The Most Conscientious Tenant' award, that you drive past.

Although I cannot promise that my children will always be fully clothed (or even partially clothed) in the garden when you or the neighbours walk past, or that I won't let out a roar at them that will disturb this lovely, quiet neighbourhood; I will pay the rent on time and replace anything we break.  We look forward to renewing our tenancy agreement in 8 months time.

Yours sincerely